Notes from Tighe's Friends and class mates

I asked Tighe's friends and class mates to write a few words about how the feel about Tighe.

 

Who was Tighe to his friends?

 I asked Tighe's friends to write down what they admire about Tighe.

My best friend Tighe

 I genuinely don't think words can describe how much I loved Tighe. Anyone who knows me understands what he meant to me. He was more than just my annoying little brother. He was my best friend. Someone who I could always rely on and never disappoint. He was just always so insanely proud of me, and I was always just as proud of him.

Honestly, at the time of his passing and when everyone was sending me and my family their love and support, the hardest message to see or hear was always “I know how much you loved him” or “I know how much he loved you.” Reading a text containing those words or hearing someone say that to me would always make my eyes water.

But it was true. I was just so proud of him. I just wish everyone could have met him and experienced Tighe. But honestly that's my only “regret”. It really does suck how young he is. But all things considered, I'm OK with it. I know he lived a pretty full life. And he did everything he wanted to at this stage. He was genuinely happy with everything. Like, literally, after he passed I was going through a few of his things, and on his iPad came across a notes page titled “things I want to do as a teenager” 

Top of the list was to get a motorbike. Followed by I think, go to a bunch of parties, another was “go on a trip with my mates”. I think one line literally even said “do a bunch of dumb shit.”

The list went on. But every line I read, I knew he had done. And honestly that gave me so much peace and comfort. Knowing he had done literally everything he wanted to at this stage in his life.

He was just so happy with everything. Every time he'd call me he’d just love telling me how great everything was going for him. And that gives me a lot of comfort, knowing he was content with it all.

It still sucks nonetheless. I was in wanaka at the time, and during the day I was working where there was no reception. So I had just finished a day at work and come into Wanaka for a swim. I remember jumping back in my car and checking my phone. Just to see the screen fill up with missed calls and texts from my family saying “call me when you can” already my heart was racing. I rung up my dad but as soon as he picked up I just knew something was off. He told me the situation and, honestly, I broke down. I was devastated. Alone, in basically the middle of nowhere, six hours from Christchurch and now without my little brother. I truly had never felt more alone. The hardest part was Tighe wasn't around. You see, Tighe was literally my drive. Whenever I had something tough coming up, like a 14 hour shift at work or something, my inspiration was literally, “I can do this, and it'll be so great when I tell Tighe about it...he’ll be so proud of me.” But now I had literally the toughest journey of my life.  And all I could do was try my best to be strong and make it home, to make him proud one last time.

But let's be real. Tighe was something else. He truly was a unique kid. But I loved that about him. His energy or his passion is just so hard to find in someone. But Tighe was full of it. He’d always be bouncing around just so full of life. Just being around him would just instantly make you feel happier. 

You only had to meet Tighe once to instantly love him, just so energetic and charming

I'm sure a few of you have heard the story of when he stayed with me in Christchurch. I know his mates have, apparently he never shut up about it… But the story is that a while back he came down to visit me in Christchurch, sleeping on our couch, or actually I think it was one of those inflatable pool floats, he used it as a mattress. But regardless, while he was down there, we realised he looked really similar to the photo on one of my old drivers licences. Which meant if he wanted to, he could be 18 for a day. And you'd best believe he made the most of it. At the time I was super sick and literally couldn't get out of bed, so admittedly I couldn't hang out with him as much as I had wanted. But my Flatmates, who had only known Tighe for a few hours, decided to make the most of him being 18, and take him to the clubs in town…

Now I just remember seeing the photos and videos of him getting Lit in town. He was out there doing shots of jager with one of my flatmates, trying his luck with the ladies and just having an absolute time out there.

I remember waking up in the morning, coming out to the lounge and seeing him curled up on that bloody pool floaty. I woke him up, and he was definitely feeling the consequences of drinking...but was still able to just have that ENERGY about him. He was telling me all about his night out, how much fun it was and how much he loved the guys he went with. I just loved seeing his face light up like that. Hearing him talk about getting wasted in the clubs was a proud big brother moment for me.

Later I was chatting with the guys who had taken him out, and even though they'd only really known him for one night, they just loved him aye. And that's who he was, you only had to just meet him even for a short moment, and instantly he was already one of your favourite people.

It's hard trying to describe what he was like. Those of you who knew him can probably understand. He genuinely was like no one else. He was always doing just random shit. Like I remember last year chilling in the common room at the end of school one time, and hearing a few of the guys looking at the door and just being like “Aye Quinn...what's your brother up to?” and I turned around to see him holding this...baby...turkey. I remember just thinking, ”what is this kid up to.” But he was so proud of it. He was telling us all how he'd yoinked it from his trades farming course. He named it Waddles and was bringing it home.  WHO DOES THAT?  Admittedly Waddles didn't last long in his box with a fistful of grass, but he was loved by Tighe nonetheless.

He was also just so passionate about his interests. His Lego or his video games in particular. Honestly it would always be the highlight of my days when I'd get a facetime call from him, and he’d be simply estatic telling me about a new game that was coming out in a few days. He'd be listing of all the details about it, or how he would plan to stay up all night playing it. His mates told me a few times he'd skip a few days of school whenever one got released. He just loved them.

He loved Star Wars too, everything about it. He’d also always be updating me whenever new movies or a new series would be getting released. He’d be counting down the days, then stay up for 3 days straight watching the new series. He was just so passionate about it.

Lego too. He's always had an obsession with it, but especially recently since he's been working and has been able to get money to blow on it. It was the same as the new games or movies. He'd always Facetime me up, show me his new set that he'd just built, all the little features on it. What movie or game it was from. And he'd just have that energy about him we all loved. Again, he was so passionate. But he was more into Lego than you'd realize. He would actually buy and sell and trade it. He would research these sets. And apparently certain sets are rarer than others, like ones that had been discontinued or old ones that were getting more modern ones remade. He would find these rarer sets and sometimes be able to sell them for a profit. He played that shit like the stock market. All this research and hunting for the sets. But it was amazing. I used to give him shit for spending all his money on Lego, but he didn't care. He loved it. 

And that's another thing about Tighe we all loved. He just did not care what other people thought. He did what he wanted. And I think that's also something about him we all had to love. He was certainly his own person.  

Quinn

Tribute to a brother - Tighe

I’m soo lucky Tighe chose me as a sister as every moment with him was unexpected, random, quizzical, entertaining and never dull. 

Whenever you were with Tighe you would have a smile on your face as he bought so much joy to everyone around him. 

There were many sides to Tighe. 

There were his fascinations with the most random topics that my family have mentioned before. 

There was the caring side of Tighe where you could speak to him about anything and everything and he would always see the light in any situation. 

There was the mechanical hardworking side of Tighe where when he put his mind to something he would give it 150%. I’ll always cheerish the time he came over to Whakatane and he did welding with Sam - something I definitely couldn’t teach him. 

And then there was his love for animals which really showed his caring and empathic side.Being 10 years older than Tighe I always seemed to slip into a bit of an over protective big sister role. 

But hearing the stories his friends have shared over the past few days it definitely sounds like he got up to plenty of mischief. 

I’m so glad he got out and enjoyed the world in his short 17 years. 

His friends meant everything to him and thank you to each and every one of you for letting him be his quirky self and embracing everything that was Tighe. 

I’ve honestly learnt more about Tighe in the last few days than in the last few years and I’m grateful to guys for sharing these stories with me and my family. 

Your love and support has not gone unnoticed and I’m just soo happy that you guys were such a large part of his life. 

He was so pure and as Sam would put it - he saw through face value bullshit and just appreciated people for who they were. A very rare trait in people these days. 

I’m soo proud of him for finding his feet in the last few years and really growing into a cool young man. 

He had some bold dreams for the future and I was excited to see him achieve these. 

Flannel shirts and Jursssic Park beanies aside, when he dressed up he really did look a million bucks, and although he would say he’s happy in his ‘comfy clothes’ we all know he loved looking suave too. 

Tighe, I love that you really didn’t care what people thought and you found hobbies and interests that genuinely bought a smile to your face - we couldn’t ask for anything more. 

Our new future is waiting for us and although you won’t be here physically, I know you’ll be by our sides every day - I can’t wait to share some more special moments with you in our new future. 

I’m going to miss you little brother. 

See you soon.  Gina.

Memories of a Son - Precious Tighe

 When Ruth and I first started living together, we'd wake up to find an extra body in the bed: a wee four-year-old boy who couldn't bear to sleep alone.  He'd sneak in between us, or snuggle up with his mum, and we'd lie like that until morning, all squashed together.  It made for an interesting first few years to our relationship, but we loved him.

Blending two families together is never easy, and Tighe wasn't slow in saying how he felt about his new siblings.  But they learned to live together, and they grew to love each other over the years.

I always called Tighe my stepson.  I'm sorry, but I can't keep calling him that.  Stepson sounds like an obligation, and Tighe was so much more than that to me.  No disrespect to Tim, but I feel that Tighe was my son too. Tighe was so fortunate to grow up with two sets of parents who both loved him so very much.

Tighe would always do things in his own time.  We'd be leaving, perhaps to go to the Waikato, to see a movie or to drive down to Wellington, and we'd all be in the car.  All of us except for Tighe.  He'd be off on some important mission, like snail-watching or killing monsters, or choosing which necklace to wear.  It drove me crazy, but we weren't all that late really.

Tighe would never do something just because that's the way other people do it.  He'd come to dinner, and stand rather than sit.  He'd go to school — most days — but he almost never went to form class because he couldn't see the point.  He'd jump up in the middle of a meal and rush off to update something in a game or grab something he'd forgotten.

To get to Tighe's bedroom, you had to go through an outside courtyard, and he'd often leave the living-room door wide open, or the outside lights on, in his rush to get in or out.  These things just didn't matter to him.  I don't know how many times I had to tell him to take his beanie off at the dinner table.

Tighe was incredible.  I'd be taking a nap, and I'd hear him walking through the courtyard, talking intensely to himself or singing one of his many made-up songs.  Once he brought home a shopping trolley, and when we said he couldn't keep it in the courtyard he simply moved it into his bedroom and used it for extra storage.  One year for his birthday he asked for a crowbar.

On a trip to Fiji, Tighe brought a crescent spanner in his carry-on luggage, just because he wanted it.  We went to Vanuatu on a family holiday, and on the way back Ruth said to the children, "are you sure you haven't got any fruit in your bag?".  They didn't, but when we went through customs the biosecurity officer pulled Tighe's bag aside.  "I'm afraid you can't bring these into the country", he said with a smile as he showed us a jar with a large spider in it.  Tighe had wanted a new pet.

Tighe loved animals.  One day he came home from school and said "Mother, my friend has some ducks, and if we don't take them they'll be eaten."  And so we upended the whole backyard to make a coop for two white ducks, who Tighe named Hatu and Patu.  They're part of our family now.  We have three cats, two ducks, and three cockatiels, but they weren't enough for Tighe.  He wanted a goat, and a squirrel, and a turkey.  He asked if we could import a racoon from America.  A few weeks ago, he wanted to adopt a kitten.  For years, he begged us to get a goat, but we just couldn't see how to fit one into our suburban property.

At dinner time, our family tradition was to ask everyone what the best part of their day was.  Most of the children would say "I dunno" or just mumble a few words, but once Tighe got going you couldn't shut him up.  He'd talk for ten minutes straight about how he'd climbed up on the school roof, or got detention because he laughed at a friend's joke, or the type of gun that one his characters in a video game had earned, or the plot of a movie he'd just watched.  Of course, getting him to eat anything was much, much harder.  I've never met anyone who took so long to get through a tiny half-plate of food.  We'd almost be finished by the time he took his first bite.

As Tighe grew up, he began talking in a language that none of us could understand.  People were dogged on, things were gee-gee, and he'd say the most random things that popped into his mind.  He'd ask questions like, "would you rather be bitten to death by a rattlesnake or eaten by a polar bear?" or "do you think you'd win a fight to the death with an orangutan?"  He would shadow-box, and ask "What do you think would happen if I — boosh!", and he'd pretend to punch the window.

He'd walk into the room and say, "Mother, I need some money", and at one stage he even started calling her "Money" rather than mama or mum.I remember when Tighe's friends came around to pick him up, and he wasn't quite ready.  They were pounding on the bathroom door, embarrassed grins on their faces, while Tighe was in the shower singing happily at the top of his lungs.

As the other children began to move out, Tighe quietly took over their space.  Quinn's bedroom became Tighe's Lego workshop, Anneke's room became a storage space, and the courtyard turned into his wardrobe.  That made it hard when we had visitors, but we just went with it.

For Tighe, it was obvious that he'd be a millionaire by the time he was thirty.  He wanted to set up an empire of rubbish trucks, and he planned to live in one.  He had dreams, but they weren't just idle fantasies.  He worked hard to get what he wanted.  He started at Domino's and Uncle Bills, but they were dead-end jobs and he soon moved on.  Then he started shearing alpacas, which was incredibly hard physical work, and we learned a lot about animal behaviour listening to his stories at dinner time.  He began working for a landscape gardener, again hard labour, but he put his heart into it because it gave him what he wanted.  He saved up, and bought a motorbike, and packets of Lego kept arriving by courier.

It was Tighe's dream to get a motorbike, and of course he got one.  He swapped out the muffler, and we could hear him coming home all the way from the bottom of Otonga Road two kilometres away.   My heart still stops whenever I hear the distant rumble of a motorbike, even though I know it will never be Tighe again.

Oh, Tighe.  You lived every moment at a thousand percent.  I

I'm sorry that we never let you have a goat.  I'm sorry you didn't get to live in a rubbish truck. 

I will always love you, my son.

Tighe

 Tighe lived your life to the fullest, each and every day.  I'm so proud of you.

Singing in the shower at full volume, while your friends were waiting, banging on the door, asking you to get a move on, will be one of my last memories of you.

Thank you for the privilege of being in your life.

I discovered that when you grieve, chopping onions doesn’t make you cry.

There is a gaping hole in my heart, and it aches, oh, it aches. I hear a motorbike in the distance, and I wish it is you coming home.

Tighe, you made my life so complete. Your enjoyment of life is unmatched.  You kept me young.

We had recently talked about death. Tighe didn’t want to grow old. I was talking with him recently and he said that growing old is stupid. He is chilln' in Valhalla now.

An emergency cesarean saved both our lives.  Tighe was an intelligent inquisitive child, and I learnt many things from him.  Dinosaurs and the Gods of ancient Egypt ruled his young life.  There wasn't a statistic about a dinosaur that he didn't know. Of course, he learnt the Egyptian hieroglyphs.  As he got older, he learnt the Viking Runes too, and all about the Norse gods. He was a paleontologist and a mythologist. 

Star Wars was also a fascination for Tighe, especially the Clone wars. Ask him anything, and he knew the episode, which character, which vehicle, which weapon.

I knew he was intelligent very early on. He followed the example of his older siblings in terms of early walking and talking. Tighe was obessed with zebras.  Soft toys, blankets, books, TV shows and movies. Those black and white Zebra stripes dominated his early years. 

Tighe taught himself to read. He was about three, and we were at the Auckland Zoo. He dragged me over to one of the signs, pointed to part of it, and asked if that was “Zoo”.  I had been reading him the book “Dear Zoo” prior to the visit. Something clicked in his brain, and he understood that the symbols on the page matched the words I was saying.  This set the tone of his life with us. I had to keep up with him.

His brain loved patterns and puzzles. I think that is why he was so good at languages based on symbols.  Tighe had a talent for languages, and picked these up fast. I'm sure the school wasn’t aware of the breadth of his skill. Mandarin Chinese, French, German, Spanish, Italian, Russian, and the Star Wars language, called Aurebesh.  So imagine his anguished whisper to me, on the aeroplane to the USA, his despair that he hadn’t learnt" American", and he wasn't sure what to say when we got there.  His grasp of regional speech accents from across the world was astonishing. His “David Attenbourgh” was spot on. He regularly watched many foreign films and TV shows, and recommended new ones to me, especially Russian ones.   He also had his own Tighe language that we had to learn.  The most recent words included “dogged on”, the letter “G”, and “there are no wrinkles in their brain.” Also, a phrase, "Sí, means yes in Spanish".

Tighe and I would lie on the back lawn at night. We named the stars together. He drew the constellations*. You might know them as Scorpio, Orion’s belt and Matariki, but to Tighe and I, they were all part of Leroy’s domain.  Leroy was a dinosaur.  The cluster of stars that make up Matariki is called the Survivor’s caravan because Leroy hadn’t eaten them.

Tighe had the opportunity to explore the world.  He had visited five countries in his young life, and the experiences shaped him into a thoughtful young man. He’s been on submarines, hot air balloons, aircraft carriers, and visited missile sites. A highlight was visiting the 5000-year-old tomb of an Egyptian ruler, Khnum-hotep.

Tighe was passinate about the natural world. Wetas, praying mantis, butterflies and other insects were a huge part of Tighe’s life. At least he didn’t keep them in his room.

Tighe had an intense focus on things that interested him, and we all know, that schoolwork was not one of those things! Tighe would learn things over a weekend about whatever he as was researching.  A new language, a new game, pirate history, movies and actors, different Lego, and Starwars, butterflies and insects.

Tighe rescued two ducks, Hatu and Patu, which have enriched our lives. He named his cockatiel “Total”, after a polar bear in a book, and Sunshine, a rescue cat from the SPCA. He would also have loved to have a goat, well, … more than one goat, a chinchilla, a squirrel, and a raccoon.

Climbing. If there was a rock or tree or a cliff, Tighe would climb it. A big boulder, no problem, and he would jump off it as well. When we were exploring the world together, every available rock or wall or mountain got climbed.

At one stage Tighe wanted to be an actor, so he auditioned for Evita with the Rotorua Musical Theatre, and got a part as a Child.  Tighe really loved his time in Evita.

Tighe played Hockey for many years. He had a natural talent, and took my breath away with his skills. I watched every game.

Cheese Rolling.  Yes, it is a thing, and Tighe was very good at it.  He won delicious cheese at the New Zealand Nationals, more than once.

Tighe loved lighting fires. I think his grandmother Maureen lit that desire. When we were in San Francisco, many fires happened at Muir Beach. He and I lit many fires in the back yard, he especially liked to watch sticks burn.

Tighe had some favourite things. WALL–E was his favourite movie, Bumblebee from Transformers was his favourite character. Amongst his collection of fragrances, his favourite is Spice Bomb, the diamonds that Tighe liked were pink, and the pearls Black. 

Tighe loved Marvel Comics from a young age. I would paint his nails Hulk Green, Spiderman Red, Bumblebee yellow, and Batman Black (yeh, I know, that’s DC). At 10 years old, Tighe made himself a Deadpool costume by watching a Youtube video. I think he wore it for a year.

Tighe wore his own style, made up of flannel shirts, and beanies.  He wore layers of jewellery, looked sauve and had charisma.

Gaming was a big part of Tighe’s life.  "Dinopig120" was his username. He was always super excited when new games were released.  He would remind us all, repeatedly, of the release date. Virtual reality was a part of his life.

He was a water child. For fun, he played waterpolo and underwater hockey. Tighe could hold his breath for longer than a minute under water. Summers at the lake were a delight, and his favourite inflatable was Vlad the crocodile and, last year, the unicorn Garfunkel.

Tighe has snorkeled the coral reefs in Fiji, Rarotonga, and Vanuatu. For our birthdays in 2022, Tighe and I went back to Fiji.  He fulfilled his dream of getting certified to scuba dive. He had been waiting many years for that. It’s a totally different world underwater, and he loved the experience.

Tighe was a hands-on creative.  His cartoons were funny and insightful.  He wrote and recorded a few songs. He would sing them while doing his chores. Welding skills were his strength, and he really enjoyed building things in metal and wood. He looked forward to Trade Fridays at school.

I am sure all Tighe’s friends experienced his cheeky sense of humour.  I never really knew what he was going to say next. Recently, Tighe’s reason for not loading the dishwasher was “my knees are bent”. He would call me Mother, or Money.

Today my soul is crushed, and I can't quite believe the news of Tighe's death. Tighe lived his life intensely, to the fullest, each and every day.