Showing posts with label bike packing nz. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bike packing nz. Show all posts

06 March, 2016

A picture says a thousand words - Tour Aotearoa

Sunday 6 March
Another day, another Island, off to the Mainland.
The plan was to ride to Nelson via Queen Charlotte Sound.
So near, and yet so far away -- there was an emergency tracker on my bike, but with a badly broken wrist I couldn't get to it to set off the alarm.
Bad news. Fell down a bank in the Marlborough Sounds and broke my wrist. Got a nice ride in (and under) a helicopter, but no more riding for me....
Where it all happened -- the Pathway Link track leading into Havelock
Rescue on the way.
Being airlifted out of the bush.
The rescue people were absolutely awesome.
Inside the helicopter.
Ten broken bones.
In Nelson hospital, after the doctor had reset my broken wrist.

05 March, 2016

The Mountain must come to Mohammad - Tour Aotearoa

Saturday 5 March -- Day 12


We had a leisurely start, as Pete was going to join us in Masterton at mid-day, but then we got a text that Fern, his daughter, was sick and he couldn't come. It was still good having a late start, as we needed the rest.



My foot was still quite sore from standing on the tent-peg, and I had a big blood blister. I used my needle to puncture and drain it, which did help. I was no longer limping but it was still quite sore.


We rode back into town for the photo stop, and then bought breakfast from the four-square. I had a gigantic sausage, a muffin, a pie, and a container of Up&Go.



We left Eketahuna at around 9, and made good progress in a tail wind to Masterton. There were only a few rolling hills, and absolutely no traffic.



We arrived in Masterton at about 11, and ate a second breakfast at a cafe. I had two milkshakes and a burger.


Given our good progress and the favourable winds, I began to think that we might be able to make it to Wellington in one day. There was a long and relatively flat section though the Wairarapa, and then a harder section with about 400 metres of climbing on the Rimutaka Incline track to Upper Hutt, and then another 20 km of flat riding to Petone, where Pete lives.



We rode on, along smooth sealed roads and gentle hills, and made good progress at first. But then the winds shifted to a cross-wind and then a slight headwind, and our goal of reaching Wellington became less likely.



On a steep and fast downhill, I got stung by another wasp, this time on the neck. It hurt, but nowhere near as bad as when I'd got stung 20+ times at once. I'll just add it to my catalogue of aches and pains: my foot, my backside, my wrists and hands, and occasionally my back. The pain doesn't worry me though -- you learn to ignore it after a while.


The course had been heading mostly south, with the winds coming from the west. We now turned west, right into the wind. That slowed us down a bit.


We reached Martinborough at around 2:30, and discovered that they were having a big fair -- and that the TA course ran right through the middle of it!  So what else could we do? We bought some more food. Greg had the great idea of buying some rolls to eat later on the Rimutaka Incline, and we then carefully walked our bikes through the crowd.


On the other side, we had a long section on the main road, with tons of cars from the fair. That wasn't pleasant.



We finally turned off the main road, and followed some quiet back roads to Cross Creek, the start of the Rimutaka Railway Incline. The last part was on a dirt track beside a quiet road, which was s but disheartening as the trail was much slower.



At Cross Creek, we began to climb. It was about 4:30 as we entered the Rimutaka Incline Track. The trail was excellent, a constant 7% grade the whole way up. If it wasn't for the winds we would have had a fantastic ride. We were heading right into the teeth of a strong Westerly. It felt as though Wellington was a giant trying to blow us off the back of its hand so we couldn't come close.



I was blown off my bike three times -- no crashes, just having to quickly put my foot down and hang on until the wind gust died. One time I almost went over a bank and would have done if I hadn't stopped riding quickly.


We crossed the Siberian Gully, where a huge bridge used to be. We had to walk our bikes across a rocky stream there.


We then reached the first of the tunnels. My bike light was very handy there. The weird thing was that the wind suddenly picked up halfway through, chilling me.



We stopped and ate out rolls, as we were getting quite hungry again.


After more climbing and several tunnels, we finally reached a grassy campsite at the top. Someone had said there was drinkable water there, but we couldn't find it so we pushed on, down the hill.


It was still really windy and I was getting quite cold, so I had to stop and put on my jacket.


The trail climbed a bit more before finally descending to Te Maruia near Upper Hutt. It was about 7:30 by this time. Fortunately, the dairy was still open, so we had a pie and a milkshake. I made the mistake of ordering a thickshake, which was lovely but took forever to eat.



From there, we joined the Hutt River Trail, and made our way as quickly as we could down the Hutt River. We rode as quickly as we could in the half-light, finally reaching Pete's place at about 9 pm. We had done it!



Even better, we managed to get a booking for the 9 am ferry the next morning. Onwards to the South Island!


We passed the halfway point today. Twelve days to get here = 24 days to finish. That's a very respectable time for the whole 3,000 km course. Let's see what we can do.


We're camping on Pete's lawn tonight after enjoying a huge meal of Thai takeaways.


The adventure continues...





04 March, 2016

Shopping and Repairs - Tour Aotearoa

Friday 4 March, Day 11


We woke at 5:30, and prepared to leave. For breakfast, I had a huge pot of porridge with a container of Up&Go poured in, as well as some sweetened condensed milk and nuts and raisins. At least it'll keep me going for a couple of hours, unlike the cooked breakfast I had yesterday.



The ride was hilly, following along the side of the Manawatu river valley. Greg stopped at one point to take a picture of a flock of sheep. How clichéd.



We finally reached Ashurst after 36 km. We had already climbed 700 metres. We stopped at a cafe where I bought a huge breakfast of pancakes and bacon, as well as a gigantic scone and three (!) milkshakes (the milkshakes weren't very big).



From Ashurst we rode on into Palmerston North, detouring off-route to go into the central city. We had s shopping list: fuel for Greg's stove, a new pot handle, a charger and battery pack for me, a new memory card for my GoPro, some groceries, and Greg wanted to get his bike checked out because it was skipping gears again.



I also decided to mail my old saddle home rather than throw it away; I needed a saddle for my commuter bike and this one would be fine for that. So I went to the post shop and in a few minutes my bike was lighter by one saddle.



We got all our purchases sorted out, and left our bikes at the shop while we went off for something to eat. I had a big bowl of Vietnamese beef and noodle soup. Delicious.


When we returned to the bike shop, they said my bike was fine, but Greg's had some major problems. His rear cassette was very loose, because his rear hub was worn and in the process of failing. The only solution would be to rebuild the wheel, which would take hours. An alternative would be to just buy a whole new wheel -- which is exactly what Greg did. An hour later, we were on our way.



Back on the course, we immediately began to climb, up and over the Tararua Ranges. I was feeling quite flat by this stage, and just took my time. After zipping down the other side, the course left the main road and headed along yet another gravel road. This time it was slightly downhill, and lots of fun, though it was still a bit tricky because of the off-camber gravel.



About 5 km from Pahiatua,  I felt myself wake up. It was like a switch had been pressed and I suddenly felt awake again.



We finally reached the town of Pahiatua, where we ate a Chinese buffet. Not great food, but filling enough.



After eating, we pressed on to Eketahuna. As we were riding along we met Dave. He said the campground at Eketahuna closed at 7:30, so we raced to get there on time.



At first we made good progress, and it seemed that we would make it on time. But then we reached another long climb, which slowed is down. we finally reached Eketahuna about 10 minutes late, but we still got in fine.



I set up my tent, blew up my air mattress and lay down to check the pressure -- and immediately fell asleep! I'm very tired from the exercise and the lack of sleep.




When I got up, I promptly stood on a tent peg. Ouch! My foot is sore now...I hope it won't stop me pedalling tomorrow.







We have ridden a total of 150 km, and climbed over 1,500 metres today.  A good solid day on the Tour Aotearoa.








03 March, 2016

Eating and Drinking - Tour Aotearoa

Day 10 Thursday 3 March

I woke at 5:30, and got my new saddle set up properly. It felt good, almost exactly the same as my old one. Just in case, though, I strapped my old saddle to my front harness so I can go back if I need to.


We then packed up and went out for breakfast. I had the "master breakfast", the biggest meal on the menu, as well as a hot chocolate. The meal had bacon, eggs, bread, a cooked tomato, a sausage filled with cheese and a hash brown. Urgh...not what I'd normally eat. I felt like the fat was dripping down my throat afterwards.


We had decided to stay a bit longer in Wanganui and see if we couldn't get the things we needed, including visiting a Spark store to hopefully sort out Greg's phone.


After breakfast we went back to the bike shop we had been in the previous evening.  Luckily my front light was there, so I got it back. Yay!


I also bought a new pocket knife cum multi tool and a stuff sack to replace the ones I'd lost. The multi tool is pretty useless, but Ruth is sending me a new one to collect in Wellington so it only has to last until then.




Greg's phone couldn't be fixed, so he bought a new one with a new number. We then headed back to the backpackers and got ready to leave.

We left at about 10:30, having had breakfast about three hours earlier, and I was already hungry again.








Our trip started with a ride up the Drury Hill elevator. It was fun riding down the tunnel. The elevator itself was antique, and had someone running it, collecting our $2 and discussing the history of the elevator. It was fun, and the easiest 100 metre climb I've ever done on the bike.


From there, we headed out of town, leaving (as Greg so eloquently put it) the "armpit of the north island".  The roads were hilly almost right from the start, and never let up.


After about 15 km we reached Fordel, where there was a shop. Great, I thought, a chance for a second breakfast, but when we went inside they only had candy and soft drinks, so we pressed on, hoping to find another shop somewhere along the way.

It was 63 km from Wanganui to Hunterville via the TA course, and it was getting hot. I began to get really hungry, and a little light headed. I ate two muesli bars to keep me going, but I just felt like I was running on empty -- the cooked breakfast hadn't done anything for me at all.


 As I was riding past a patch of bush, a voice called out Hello. It was a cycle tourist from Napier; he had just been eating lunch in the shade. I rode with him into Hunterville, thinking of food and milkshakes all the while.

We finally reached Hunterville at about 2:30, and I immediately ordered two milkshakes, a burger and a huge custard square. The two milkshakes didn't last long, and I was still thirsty so I bought a bottle of iced coffee. That finally satisfied me.

Greg and I then headed off again. The course followed SH 1 for about 5 km, before nipping off onto some quiet country roads again.  After a few km the road became unsealed and we had a hilly stretch of about 20 km on the gravel.




From there, the road undulated before climbing some more. I saw a kingfisher up close for the first time in my life: it flew just a couple of metres away, and stayed with me for a few seconds before turning and flying away. I say it's amazing blue-green back, and didn't recognise it as a kingfisher until it turned and I could see its beak. It was a beautiful bird.


Greg and I then headed off again. The course followed SH 1 for about 5 km, before nipping off onto some quiet country roads again.  After a few km the road became unsealed and we had a hilly stretch of about 20 km on the gravel.


From there, the road undulated before climbing some more. I saw a kingfisher up close for the first time in my life: it flew just a couple of metres away, and stayed with me for a few seconds before turning and flying away. I say it's amazing blue-green back, and didn't recognise it as a kingfisher until it turned and I could see its beak. It was a beautiful bird.


The road climbed and climbed, then crossed about 3-4 huge river valleys where the road fell and then climbed about 200 metres each time. Finally it began to descend, and we made good time on the final few km into Apiti.


The pub in Apiti had shut down, and there weren't any other shops, but as we arrived a woman said they had a few treats we could buy. She had just bought the old petrol station and she and her partner were in the process of renovating it. They had chippies, bars, and drinks, and we bought plenty of each.

We camped in a paddock behind the hall just 100 metres off the course. Two other riders were also there.  We had dinner of flavoured rice (two different packets), salami, carrot and onion (Greg had carried these last two all day). It was hilariously difficult cutting onion and carrot with a cheap knife with a 2 cm blade. Dave Ryan, one of the other riders, took pity on me and lent my a big knife. We gave him some of our cooked meal in exchange, then finished it off with a carton of coconut water and a packet of chippies.


Once I was in the tent, I discovered that my battery pack wasn't there. Then I realised I'd left it, along with my USB charger, back at the backpackers in Wanganui. Damn -- so much for having my gear finally organised!


As I typed up my blog, I got peckish again so I nibbled at a Snickers bar I had purchased down the road. Incredibly sweet, but yummy. How decadent: eating chocolate in my tiny tent typing up my notes for the day.


Unfortunately, without my battery I have no way of charging my Garmin. But the cue sheets have been so good that I can just follow them and guess the distances. I'll buy a new charger and battery pack in Palmerston North, and get the old one sent home.


It was a fantastic day's riding. We had covered 126 km and climbed over 1,800 metres through some amazingly beautiful country. Even better, my new saddle felt really comfortable, no problems other than the usual aches and pains of being on a bike seat for ten hours a day. No new hot spots or saddle sores, which is fantastic.




27 February, 2016

Plains and Trail Angels - Tour Aotearoa

Day 5
 We woke at 5:30am, packed, and had a breakfast of porridge and sweetened condensed milk cooked in a kettle.
Kettle Porridge by Kay Haasma
We were riding at about 6:30am, while the others were still getting packed. The ride started with some gentle climbs before dropping down and down to sea level.

At one point I saw a hawk on the side of the road -- it must have had a broken wing as it couldn't fly.

After Miranda, we stopped for food at a local store, and went back three times to buy more -- we were hungry.
We rode along a busy main road into a headwind to Kopu and the start of the Hauraki Rail Trail.
 The trail itself was quite boring, and Greg said it was making him sleepy, but we chugged along at about 20 kph on the gravel, taking advantage of the tail wind and only slowing for the countless cattle stops.
It had gotten hot, so when we reached Paeroa I had a milkshake and put some salt in it (weird, but delicious and great for avoiding cramps), a small bottle of L&P (just because) and a small chicken roll. Second lunch. I was still thirsty, so I bought a second salty milkshake.


Greg's water bottle had something growing in it. He tried washing it with hot water but that made no difference. He also needed a new light as he'd left his big headlamp at Mt Eden Cycles in Auckland, so we searched on google for an open bike shop. There was nothing until Matamata, and the web site said that shop was closed, so we were kind of stuck.

We continued along the Rail Trail, still making a good pace. At one point someone had left bottles of water and some biscuits on the side of the trail -- a trail angel. I took some water as I was getting low again, and a yummy biscuit. Much appreciated.


A few km further on, someone had taped up a sign saying the Matamata bike shop was staying open until 5. What luck! We figured we had time to make it, so pushed on.

We didn't stop in Te Aroha, but followed the course around the edge of town and onto the open road again. We then picked up the pace even more, still taking advantage of the tail wind. By this stage we had ridden about 120 km, and I was getting a bit tired, so I wasn't bothering following the cue sheets on every turn. Of course, that was the moment I missed a corner and we went off-course. We double-checked with my phone and had to back-track. I then got confused reading the cue sheets and miscalculated the distance to Matamata. When we should have been nearly there, we passed a sign saying it was still 16 km away. Oops!

Fortunately we had been riding so quickly that we could still get to the bike shop on time, even though the wind had dropped and we were riding a bit slower. We were both pretty tired by this stage, having ridden about 135 km.

We were both getting low on water, but we pushed on and stopped at the Firth museum where there was a tap. I immediately drank half a bottle before refilling it. I was thirsty!
It was only a short ride to Matamata itself, where we stopped briefly at the iSITE for the compulsory photo stop before dashing off to the bike shop. Greg managed to get the gear he needed, and I managed to buy a bottle of chain lube small enough to fit in my bike bag, as well as some electrolytes to put into my water -- I've been drinking an unbelievable amount.

We enjoyed dinner at Fez,  a middle-eastern cafe ( big servings with lots of fresh veggies...perfect) before getting another milkshake from across the road. We looked at the weather report...heavy rain overnight...and decided to see if we could stay in a motel overnight so we wouldn't be riding with a wet tent tomorrow. Unfortunately everything was booked out, so we looked at nearby campgrounds instead.

There were two: a big one 8 km back along the course, and a tiny one 3 km off the route and 11 km further along the course. We chose the latter one, which turned out to be a great choice.

It started to rain as we rode into the hills southwest of Matamata. The road climbed and climbed...just what our legs didn't want. Finally we reached the campsite, where the owner let us sleep in his garage. Fantastic -- no wet gear to carry in the morning.  Brock's place, Buckland Road, about 2km from the Hobbiton Movie Set.
 We had only climbed about 700 metres, but had covered more than 170 km. A big day, but a great one. There were power points, a shower, and some cushioned chairs to sit in. Heaven!

After my shower and talking with Ruth, I sat in the comfy chair and ate a bunch more food...despite the enormous dinner and all the food (and milkshakes) I'd eaten during the day, I was still hungry.

Tomorrow we head into the Waikato River Trail. It's supposed to be a bit damp. We're also meeting Ruth and the children in Arapuni. I'm really looking forward to that. For now, though, all I want is a good night's sleep lying on a gravel floor out of the rain...

26 February, 2016

Auckland Adventures - Tour Aotearoa

Day 4

I woke around 7am, and promptly found my missing electronics bag -- it had fallen beneath my sleeping mattress and had stubbornly stayed hidden even though I'm sure I looked there at least three times the previous evening. What a relief


We headed out at about 8:30am -- we didn't want to get to Auckland at rush-hour so we deliberately left a bit later. It was hot already, and the steep climb out of Helensville was sweaty work. My backside was tender, but I was wearing two pairs of cycling shorts, which helped a lot.

Greg's bike was having problems with skipping gears, and it crunched all the way up the steep climb. Not good -- at least there's a bike shop not too far away.

After the first big climb, we had rolling hills all the way to Auckland. Following the route was easy as I'd ridden it at Christmas time.

We made good progress into the central city, where we stopped at Mt Eden Cycles. I bought a packet of Nuun, which are electrolyte tablets, while Greg got his bike serviced and bought a new stuff sack for his tent. He also left a bag of stuff he didn't want any more, including his big head lamp...he intended to buy a small bike light, but he forgot so he doesn't have a torch or front bike light any more.

I checked my dynamo battery and confirmed my suspicion: it wasn't charging. Great -- now I have no way of charging any of my electronics!

The bike shop couldn't help but they pointed me to a computer repair shop two doors down. The technician and I managed to show that the hub itself was working, as was my USB cable and battery -- the fault was in my cable or voltage converter. Grrr...they are all sealed up and impossible to repair.
We saw several other TA riders at the bike shop, including Richard Harding.

After we left the bike shop, I had a burrito from Pita Pit with Richard (fresh vegetables...yum!), while Greg had sushi and soup. We headed out and began the climb up to the top of Mount Eden, which is our fourth photo stop. Unfortunately, Greg's bike was even worse!

 After the photo stop we headed down the hill, through Cornwall Park and down into Onehunga. There we found another bike shop, where Greg got his bike serviced again while I went off and bought a USB wall charger and a milkshake. Fortunately they managed to fix Greg's bike, and it's working well now.


We headed through South Auckland, which was terrible. When I had ridden it at Christmas time there was hardly any traffic, but this time the traffic was diabolical. Near the airport we met up with Louise and Neville, a couple riding together, as well as Kay Haasma. They wanted me to guide them out of the city, so Greg and I slowed down so we could stay together.

 I managed to leave two of my food bags at the Kaipara Cruising Club, so I had no milk powder, Parmesan, sugar or oatmeal.  Annoying, but very easily done.  We all stopped at the Countdown supermarket near Auckland Airport for food, then continued on together. Kay struggled once we hit the hills, but I think everyone was tired by then.

After riding through Totara Park, we left the city behind and finally headed into the countryside. Why we began to climb again, Neville suggested that Greg and I go on as Kay was still finding it hard and the hills were coming up.  There were some nasty hills heading into the Hunuas, and I quickly ran out of my remaining water. I should have refilled my bottles at the supermarket.

We reached the top of a major hill, with a trig right beside the road, when Greg noticed someone sitting nearby and asked for some water. We had a good chat with them, and I really enjoyed the water.

From there, it was only a few km down the hill and into Hunua Village. We stopped at the local store, and saw that, of all things they had an Indian restaurant next door!  We decided to eat dinner at the restaurant while we charged our devices and figured out where to stay for the night.

Kay, Neville and Louise turned up, as did Richard Harding, and Louise managed to arrange for us to stay at the nearby YMCA camp. It was perfect -- showers, toilets, cabin beds, and a kitchen.

 There was even cellphone reception so I could call Ruth. I also got to speak with Anneke, which was wonderful as I'd been missing her.
Towel drying
The best thing was that someone on the TA Facebook forum said they had dynamo equipment for sale. I asked, and it looks like he may be able to make me up a cable and lend me a new battery so I can use my hub to charge things up! The challenge was to figure out where to get him to send it to...because it's Friday today the mail will be slower and unfortunately there are no convenient towns. The best option is Wanganui, maybe five days away. But that's a lot better than nothing, and I feel very very lucky.
Making repairs with duct tape
We only rode about 115 km today, but still climbed 1,400 metres. It was slower going through the city with all the traffic, and it was still a solid day.  It looks like we've reached the end of the good weather, with rain predicted for tomorrow night, so we're going to have an early start to get as far along as possible. Bring it on!

25 February, 2016

Catch a Ferry - Tour Aotearoa

Woke at 5:30am, packed up in the dark and headed out, hoping to make the 6pm o'clock ferry at Pouto. We started riding in the dark, a big climb but not too steep. Beautiful and eerie in the half light.

Turned off onto a gravel road just as the sun came up. Couldn't see a thing with the dust and grime on my glasses. Lots of off-camber corners and very loose gravel. Slipped over at one point but just managed to put my foot down in time so I didn't crash in the gravel.
Passed the Trounsen Kauri park, then back on the main road. A few km further down the road was a petrol station, where we stopped for food. I had a kumera and steak pie, a chocolate whammy muffin (which I eventually ate at Pouto), and a bottle of chocolate milk. Yum!

Lots more riding on gravel, with quite a bit of climbing, and then we eventually reached Dargaville. Stopped at a bakery for more food, then went to the supermarket for supplies. We saw about 8 other riders in Dargaville, so we pressed on, hoping to get to the ferry early enough to get into the first 30 people waiting for the ferry, as apparently that's all it can take.

We passed New Zealand's smallest church (which looked like an oversized doll's house), stopped at another shop at Te Kopuru to get water. I thought I had one and a half bottles left, so I only filled up one...a decision I would regret a couple of hours later.

 After Te Kopuru, the road began to climb once more. The seal disappeared after about 90 km, and we rode the rest of the way on the gravel through a forest. There were several logging trucks rushing past. At about 100 km I discovered that I only had half a bottle of water left, and tried to conserve water which took its toll on my body. At about 110 km I saw a sign saying water was available, and rode in to someone's house. They weren't there, but a sign said to help yourself so I filled up two water bottles and drank another one right away. Bliss.
The hills were relentless. After the forestry, we reached some farms and a school before finally reaching the landing at Pouto. I was quite worn out...we had ridden 125 km and climbed 1,600 metres. Another solid day.



When we arrived, I discovered that the bag of oatmeal I had strapped to my rear bag had fallen off somewhere. Oh well...there are worse things I could lose.
The ferry is coming

That's the Ferry?
We were numbers 24 and 25 for the Ferry -- we'd made it!
It was surprising who was there with us on the boat. There were several people I thought would be well ahead by now. Bryan Pestridge, Jessie Rawcliff, Kevin the tour guide, Kelly Neville from Virginia, and Richard Harding were all on our boat too.

They had the boat well organised, with a wooden ramp you could wheel your bike up, and another ramp tied to the side of the boat you could use to get your bike to the back. They put most of the bikes on the back, and about 16 on the roof. In the end, they took 46 people on the boat ... They claim to be able to fit 30, but they squeezed us all in somehow.
Ferry Line by Richard Sidey
The boat trip was fun, though we were all quite tired. They gave us watermelon and coffee and tea. It got dark on the boat, giving us plenty of chances to take great photos.





They also took orders for dinner, and phoned them through to a local Parakai fish-and-chip shop.


We arrived at Parakai at about 9:30pm, and set off trying to find the fish-and-chip shop.



My bottom was quite beaten up and sore from three days of hard riding, but Greg charged ahead. I was trying to find the shop but was so busy chasing Greg that we both missed it and rode into Helensville. After searching for a bit we headed back the way we had come, and finally found the place. Perfect -- big servings, delicious and hot. After dinner we went to the Kaipara Cruising Club, where I had a shower and we set our tents on the back lawn, while about 30 people slept on the floor inside.


As I was getting ready for bed I discovered that I had lost my electronics bag. It only had my Garmin charging cable and some spare batteries for the Spot tracker, but it's still annoying. The worst bit is that I couldn't charge the Garmin, which I need to use for route-finding tomorrow. I'll have to find a replacement cable in Auckland.  I must have left it on the grass at Pouto, or maybe back at the campsite at Waipoua. Grrrr...it must have been the day for losing things. At least I can easily buy replacements.

I'm really happy to be here, because I've already ridden this next section and I'm heading in to familiar ground. I just hope my derrière is up to the task...